I look at these walls
I see everything
My whole life played out
But soon the pictures fade
Only one thing remains
My sweet pain
Hanging there on the wall
I’m a little girl
What do i know?
I point to it and ask myself, Angel .
“Angel, what’s that?”
I look down at me
I was so innocent
So small
I look at me with sad and knowing eyes
“Something that you will get
to know very well.”
I smile and look up into my eyes
Soon the smile fades
I see pain and sorrow
I see… guilt?
“Angel, why are you sad?”
I look down at my own face
I see confusion
I see worried unknowing eyes
“I’m not sad, little girl.”
I get angry
And double check my eyes
I know i saw it
I still do
“I can see it in your eyes, you cant hide it from me.”
I don’t want to break my innocent smile
I don’t want to break my heart that is whole
But i know it will have to be done
“Your innocence will be taken away little one. You will look for comfort in that”
I point to what hangs on the wall
“It will never let you fall. It will keep your mind silent”
I stare at the object that hangs there
On the wall
I walk to it
I see the way the light glints off of it
I see the sharp edge
Like a knife that I’m not aloud to use
But its sharper
I don’t dare to touch it
Even though a part of me wants to
“Angel,”
“hm?”
“We will be okay, right?”
I look down knowing what I’m about to say will be a lie
“Sure, little girl. We will be okay.”
I look away from the object on the wall
I see the sad smile on my face
“Thank you for lying to me, Angel.”
I walk back to me
I give myself a hug
I can feel my body trembling,
Crying
I look up at my face
Eye liner running from my eyes
Tinting the tears black
“Don’t cry, Angel. You look like mommy when daddy passed away 5 years ago, i held her just like this. Angel, i had to grow up and hold her….she cried in my arms.”
“I know little girl, but that will stop. i know how it happens each night. You have to be strong.”
“I don’t know how to be, its all so wrong.”
I hug myself tight
Soon her mind will mature
Its already begun
Once this was me
“Its alright little girl. Things will get better, but soon you will be the one to make her cry. We will use words to hurt her, because she will hurt us.”
“I wont hurt mommy. She would never hurt us.”
“You say this now. Get some sleep and in your dreams think of me. I’ll always be here for you.”
“But Angel, you have yet to tell me what the thing on the wall is.”
“You will find out soon enough. Now sleep tight and hold onto your innocence before it gets taken away…..”
I couldn’t bare to tell myself the truth
I couldn’t bare to break my innocents
It will soon be taken away
I didn’t want to tell myself things that will hurt me even further
“Good night little girl.”
“Good night Angel.”
I watch myself walk out of my room as my eye lids begin to shut
My dreams will be filled with myself
I know this
I try to forget how my eyes had looked
So sad
So hurt
So broken
No comments:
Post a Comment