I See

Looking in the mirror
Laughing at my own reflection

I see the pain in my eyes
I see the sadness in my smile

I see the scars on my chest
I see the scars on my face

I lift an arm into the mirrors view
I see the scars on my wrist

I close my eyes and picture the me i wish i could be

I see soft skin
Clean
No scars

I see eyes with a light in them
I see a smile that holds nothing but happy memories and innocent lies

I realize that was me once

When life had no monsters accept the ones in the closet or under the bed
When there was no such thing as self harm

When i didn’t know what a razor blade was
Or what it could do

I open my eyes
I see who i have become

Not to long ago i was in this same spot
Seeing the scars but also seeing how i was changing

I was changing because of both of you
I saw it then

I saw how there was just a hint of a sparkle in my eyes
I saw how my smile was becoming real

I saw the giggly girl i never was
I saw the love of two people in my heart, in the way i glowed

Now there was no glow in my face
No sparkle in my eyes

But there is still love in my heart for the two people who my heart belongs to
There is little hope but i can still feel it there…barely

I look away from my reflection
I take a few steps away and walk out

Hoping that the next time i look in the mirror i will be the me i wish i could be…